14 Things That Can Quietly Destroy Your Marriage—and How to Avoid Them
Avoid These Subtle Pitfalls to Keep Your Marriage Strong and Lasting
The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of grace for mistakes. - Fawn WeaverA strong marriage is built on trust, respect, and continuous effort. But certain behaviors, if left unchecked, can quietly erode the bond you’ve worked so hard to build.
Let’s dive into the 14 things that can threaten your relationship and how to avoid them.
1. Being Selfish
How it destroys: When one partner consistently puts their own needs first, it creates a sense of imbalance and neglect. This can breed resentment and cause emotional distance over time.
What to do instead: Practice mutual care. Make a conscious effort to prioritize each other’s happiness and well-being. Small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can help restore balance and show your partner they matter.
2. Cheating
How it destroys: Cheating breaks the foundation of trust and can lead to deep emotional pain, making it difficult to rebuild the relationship. Infidelity—whether physical or emotional—can feel like an act of betrayal that some marriages never recover from.
What to do instead: Commit to loyalty in all forms, not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. If you feel tempted, communicate with your partner about what’s missing, and work together to fill those gaps.
3. Unaccountability and Lies
How it destroys: When partners are dishonest or refuse to take responsibility for their actions, trust and openness fade. This creates a relationship where one or both partners feel they can’t fully rely on the other.
What to do instead: Be transparent and accountable. Own your actions, and build a foundation where your partner knows they can trust your word. Open communication strengthens bonds and promotes understanding.
4. Flirting Outside the Relationship
How it destroys: Flirting, even if it seems harmless, invests emotional energy outside your marriage. This can create emotional distance and jealousy, opening the door to infidelity.
What to do instead: Set clear boundaries and redirect your energy back into your relationship. Reinforce your commitment to your partner by making them feel seen, valued, and secure.
5. Taking Each Other for Granted
How it destroys: Over time, it’s easy to become complacent, seeing your partner as part of the routine rather than appreciating their unique presence in your life. This lack of appreciation can lead to feelings of being undervalued.
What to do instead: Show daily gratitude. Small gestures like compliments, thoughtful texts, or simply thanking them for their efforts can remind your partner that they are cherished and valued.
6. Consuming Pornography
How it destroys: Overuse of pornography can create unrealistic expectations and diminish intimacy, leading to emotional and physical disconnect. It takes focus and energy away from the connection you share with your partner.
What to do instead: Invest in real intimacy. Explore your partner’s desires and work on deepening your emotional and physical connection. Prioritize time together to strengthen your bond.
7. Hiding Things
How it destroys: Keeping secrets erodes trust and creates a barrier between partners. When one partner feels the other is hiding something, it can cause insecurity and suspicion.
What to do instead: Foster openness. Be honest, even about small things, and create a space where both of you feel safe to share. The more transparent you are, the stronger your trust becomes.
8. Controlling Behavior
How it destroys: When one partner tries to control the other’s actions or decisions, it creates an environment of resentment and tension. The controlled partner may feel suffocated, which can lead to rebellion or withdrawal.
What to do instead: Encourage independence and show trust in your partner’s choices. Marriage should be a partnership, not a power struggle. Respect each other’s freedom and individuality.
9. Failing to Share Household Chores
How it destroys: When one person is burdened with most of the household responsibilities, it can lead to feelings of unfairness and resentment. This imbalance often causes emotional burnout, which affects intimacy.
What to do instead: Share the load. Divide tasks fairly and support each other. This teamwork not only keeps things running smoothly but also builds respect and connection.
10. Spending Too Much Time Apart
How it destroys: While independence is important, spending excessive time apart can lead to emotional disconnection. The more time you spend away from each other, the less opportunity there is for bonding and intimacy.
What to do instead: Prioritize quality time together. Schedule date nights, plan weekend activities, or simply spend an evening reconnecting over a meal. This helps keep the bond strong and the relationship healthy.
11. Neglecting Romance and Intimacy
How it destroys: Without romance and intimacy, a relationship can feel like a friendship rather than a partnership. Over time, the absence of these elements can lead to dissatisfaction and emotional distance.
What to do instead: Keep the romance alive with thoughtful gestures, regular date nights, and expressions of love. Physical touch, compliments, and moments of affection help maintain a strong connection.
12. Criticizing or Belittling Each Other
How it destroys: Frequent criticism and belittling can diminish a partner’s self-esteem and create a hostile environment. It fosters resentment, leading to emotional withdrawal and a breakdown in communication.
What to do instead: Focus on constructive communication. Address issues without attacking each other personally. Always aim to uplift and support your partner rather than tearing them down.
13. Passivity in Child Training and Discipline
How it destroys: When one partner is left to handle all parenting responsibilities, it creates imbalance and frustration. Children benefit from seeing both parents as a united front; inconsistency leads to confusion and stress.
What to do instead: Parent as a team. Discuss your parenting approach and responsibilities together. Show your children a consistent and unified approach, and take turns supporting one another through the challenges.
14. Not Accepting Each Other’s Differences
How it destroys: Refusing to accept your partner’s individuality can create tension and conflict. Expecting your partner to be just like you or trying to change them only leads to frustration for both of you.
What to do instead: Embrace each other’s uniqueness. Appreciate the different qualities your partner brings to the relationship and learn from them. Celebrating each other’s individuality fosters respect and harmony.
Marriage isn’t about avoiding every mistake; it’s about recognizing and addressing the issues before they become destructive. Consistent effort, open communication, and mutual respect are what keep a marriage strong, even when life gets tough. By avoiding these 14 pitfalls, you can build a marriage that lasts a lifetime.
P.S. If this newsletter helped you, send it to 5 married people with kids who might benefit from it too! ❤️
If you feel like you need more personalized guidance or support, I’m here to help. Let’s talk about what’s going on in your relationship and find solutions together.